Seen but Not Heard: Teen Lesbians Speak Out.

By Amy Brooks

Lisa* put her skeptical classmates at ease. "You don't have to be a sparkly fairy, you can be any kind of fairy that you want," she assured them.

It was getting late and the Gay Straight Alliance, a student-run organization aimed at educating high schoolers about homosexuality, still had wardrobe details to work out. "Is it okay to go as a goth fairy?" asked one teenager. Another wanted to recycle her homecoming dress. "Anything you want, just as long as it's fairy like," said Lisa, a queer senior and the group's president.

The high schoolers were gathered around Lisa's kitchen table on a chilly fall evening to plan for Float Day, an all-campus event where every club dresses up and designs floats to represent their group. Unlike other school groups preparing for Float Day, members of this alliance had more to do than plan. They had to emotionally prepare for the disapproving jokes and snide comments they expected to receive from schoolmates and some faculty members.

In high school, when a poor choice of shoes can provoke a social crisis, choosing a different sexual orientation often ignites an exhausting battle between the personal and the public. "To be gay adds a lot of pressure to their plate," says Kirk Bell, a representative for the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, known as GLSEN, in San Francisco. "It's a struggle to be heard." Seventy-six percent of the nations' schools fail to train teachers about issues facing lesbian, gay, bisexual and transsexual students.

Teachers aren't the only ones. Some 97 percent of students report regularly hearing homophobic remarks from their peers. And 57 percent of students report hearing homophobic comments made by the school staff, according to a report from the Massachusetts Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth. "[Gay students] come to school and the primary slurs they hear are anti-gay," says Bell. "They already have a strong feeling of being an outsider and alone. It's hard, even if it's not directed at them."

Bell adds that unlike students who differ from the majority of the student body for their race, religion or social standing, gay students often have little support. "It's hard, if you're gay, to say to a parent, 'I'm very alone and I have no one to turn to,'" says Bell. Often they are unable to seek comfort from fellow gay teens for fear of "guilt by association," says Bell.

The first alliance was established in 1990, and since then, 700 high schools across the country have registered through GLSEN with an Alliance chapter.

Members of the Alliance find that much of their work is educating and sensitizing the uninformed. To do this, they hang "safe zone" posters to designate a place where teens-gay, straight, transsexual or bisexual-can be themselves.

But some teachers are resistant to have gay and lesbian teenagers in their classrooms. "Sometimes it is an uncomfortable situation with teachers, like they'll give us cold responses when we ask," said Lisa.

Lisa started the Alliance chapter at her school this year. "I talked to my school's vice principal about how to start a club and what I needed to do," she said. "I told him what the club was about, even though he didn't really seem to care."

The Alliance may not have the school's enthusiasm, but they are thankful for the chance to establish such a group. "I think that just by being at a public school, you have the law on your side and that helps," says Sarah, a straight senior and active alliance member.

Lisa's agenda for Alliance goes farther than battling homophobia. She wants to abolish the notion all together. She wishes she could be perceived as herself, rather than a lesbian defined only by her sexuality.

"That's all that I am, I'm a queer girl," said Lisa. "And I'm so much more than that. I'm a spaz with a lot of interests."

Jen, a sophomore Alliance member, nods in agreement. She feels that her straight girl friends who know that she's queer expect her sexuality to be a dominant force in her personality. "When I say, 'She's cute' I always worry that they think I mean it differently," says Jen. "And if I say a boy is cute, people will say, 'Oh, I thought you were a lesbian.''"

"It's not like we're abnormal," adds Lisa. "We just don't have a place in the normal jock stereotype student body."

While neither Jen nor Lisa can vote on Proposition 22, the initiative limiting the definition of marriage to include only heterosexual couples, they don't think it's the most important issue on the gay agenda. "I think we should have the option," said Lisa, "But do we have to emulate the standard for straight couples?"

Lisa has already experienced the pressure of conforming to other people's idea of what a lesbian should be only to be disappointed. Coming out the summer after ninth grade was not easy, she recalls, since her mother's reaction was hard to deal with.

"My mom definitely had to go through her own coming out," said Lisa. "She said, 'This doesn't mean that you're going to cut off your hair and go to prom with a girl? Because there's no way that you're doing either of those things.'" Lisa laughed, "I did both."

Now she says she's totally out."This year I'm not like rainbow pride," says Lisa. "But I have pretty much taken it upon myself to be out." Even if it means taking some ribs for her appearence, which is a mix of punk rock, meets cute tomboy.

"I used to dress really feminine because I wanted to rebel against the stereotype that I was supposed to be butch," she says. "Now I go with it because it's just more comfortable."

According to Amy Wooldridge, a program director at the Pacific Center, a gay youth center in Berkeley, homosexuality crosses line of social acceptance. "You find that women who are very much dykes, or much identified lesbians, are ostracized. If you say 'I'm not interested in guys at all,' it's not okay."

Because the club has such a short history, Lisa says she is still unclear on the overall affect the Alliance has had on her peers. But personally she feels incredibly rewarded for her work.

"I am meeting new people whose concerns are similar to mine and that is amazing," said Lisa. "I know that somehow I am helping fight homophobia, that I am providing a safe place for people to be out and am supportive of those people who are out. At least for one lunch period a week."

*Teenagers' names have been changed.